How to Identify and Deal with Gaslighting at work

Gaslighting in the workplace is a deeply damaging tactic that individuals may use to manipulate and control others. At its core, this behaviour is intended to undermine your self-confidence, causing you to question your own abilities, perceptions, and even memories. While it often begins in subtle, almost unnoticeable ways, gaslighting can intensify over time, leading to profound impacts on your mental well-being, performance at work, and relationships with colleagues.

Recognising the signs of gaslighting is a crucial first step in safeguarding your mental health and maintaining your professional integrity. Learning to identify this behaviour helps you stay alert to the tactics used and provides the foundation needed to take appropriate action.

In this article, we explore the nature of gaslighting, providing valuable insights to help you identify it early on. We also offer practical advice for countering these manipulative behaviours effectively. You will find strategies for fostering a supportive work environment, one where respect and openness are valued, and harmful manipulations are discouraged.

It aims to empower you with the knowledge and resilience necessary to navigate the workplace with confidence, ensuring that your contributions and strengths are recognised and valued, free from any manipulative interference.

What is Gaslighting at Work?

Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that aims to make you doubt your own experiences and understanding of reality. In the workplace, this type of behaviour can show up in different ways, such as someone denying that a conversation ever happened, distorting facts to suit their own agenda, or unfairly shifting blame onto others. Unlike constructive feedback, which is given to help you grow and improve, gaslighting is designed to control your feelings and leave you feeling uncertain and emotionally unsteady.

Imagine you and a colleague agree on a set of actions during a meeting. Later, when you follow up on these actions, your colleague denies ever having agreed to them, leaving you questioning your memory and judgement. This type of ongoing manipulation can slowly chip away at your self-confidence, raise your stress levels, and create a negative, unsupportive atmosphere that affects your overall sense of well-being at work.

Being able to recognise gaslighting is essential to maintaining your mental health and working effectively. By understanding how gaslighting works, you can take steps to protect yourself and work towards creating a positive environment where honesty, respect, and fair treatment are valued.

Why Gaslighting Occurs in the Workplace

Gaslighting often stems from motivations rooted in control, insecurity, or a desire for power, and it can surface in various ways across professional environments. One of the common settings where gaslighting may occur is in competitive workplaces where some individuals, whether employees or managers, feel threatened by the skills, knowledge, or progress of others.

In these cases, gaslighting may become a tactic for those seeking control, as they attempt to alter or dominate the narrative in ways that undermine or cast doubt on others. This can make skilled and competent people seem less capable, preserving the gaslighter’s sense of dominance.

Gaslighting can also flourish in work environments without clearly established boundaries, policies, or accountability systems. In workplaces where authority is unchecked, managers or individuals with influence may feel free to manipulate subordinates or colleagues to maintain their position or control. This behaviour can persist without proper oversight or clear frameworks for accountability, creating a culture where manipulation and power imbalances go unchallenged.

Signs of Gaslighting in the Workplace

Knowing how to identify gaslighting at work can help you address it before it causes serious damage. Here are some tell-tale signs:

Frequent Denial of Conversations or Agreements: Gaslighters may deny that specific conversations or agreements ever happened. They might accuse you of remembering things incorrectly or even making things up. This tactic can create a cycle of self-doubt, making you question your memory, your reliability, and eventually even your own understanding of events.

Selective Memory and Distorted Communication: Gaslighters often remember only the parts of conversations or events that support their view, conveniently forgetting anything that challenges their perspective. For example, they may recall a discussion in a way that benefits them, leaving out essential points that you remember clearly. This selective memory distorts events and can make you feel as though you are seeing things wrongly.

Backhanded Compliments and Hidden Criticism: Comments framed as compliments or friendly advice can often be laced with subtle criticism, which may be hard to notice at first. Phrases like “You’re doing fine, considering your limitations” seem supportive but are actually designed to make you feel insecure and unsure of your abilities. These disguised criticisms can slowly erode your confidence.

Isolation from Decision-Making: Gaslighters may try to exclude you from important meetings, discussions, or decisions, creating gaps in your understanding and leaving you feeling unprepared. This exclusion not only undermines your confidence but also serves to reinforce their control by keeping you out of the loop and limiting your influence on decisions that affect your work.

Blame Shifting: Avoiding responsibility is another common tactic of gaslighters, who often shift blame onto others. For instance, if a project doesn’t go as planned, they might suggest that your misinterpretation of their instructions caused the problem, rather than acknowledging any lack of clarity on their part. By deflecting responsibility onto you, they create a sense of guilt and confusion, further reinforcing their control.

Each of these behaviours is aimed at undermining your confidence, control, and sense of stability. Recognising them is the first step to protecting yourself, allowing you to address the behaviour and begin rebuilding a healthier, more supportive work environment.

Real-Life Scenarios of Gaslighting at Work

Imagine a situation where a colleague frequently leaves you out of project meetings and later responds to your questions by saying, “I thought you already knew.” This repeated exclusion may start to make you feel disconnected from the team and unsure of your role. Over time, it can lead to feelings of isolation and self-doubt, gradually chipping away at your confidence and sense of belonging.

Consider another example involving inconsistent feedback from a manager. In public, the manager praises your work, creating a positive image of you in front of others. Yet privately, they often criticise you, leaving you feeling unsettled and confused. This conflicting feedback can be unsettling, making you feel unsure of your abilities and increasingly dependent on their approval to assess your own performance.

These examples show how gaslighting behaviours can undermine self-confidence and create unequal power dynamics in the workplace. Recognising these behaviours is vital for promoting a culture where respect, transparency, and integrity are valued, and everyone feels supported in contributing fully and confidently.

Psychological Effects of Gaslighting

Gaslighting can have significant psychological effects, causing increased stress, anxiety, and self-doubt. People who experience gaslighting may become overly cautious and frequently question their own thoughts, perceptions, and decisions. This constant emotional strain can affect both their productivity and well-being, lowering their satisfaction at work and, in some cases, leading to signs of depression.

When exposed to gaslighting for a long time, individuals may even start to feel disconnected from their own identity. This can create a sense of isolation and weaken their ability to trust their own judgement, which can further diminish their confidence and self-esteem. Understanding how gaslighting harms mental health highlights why it is so important to address this behaviour early, supporting both personal well-being and a positive workplace atmosphere.

Strategies for Dealing with Gaslighting at Work

In order to successfully address gaslighting, it requires a blend of awareness, assertiveness, and strategic action.

Keeping Clear and Detailed Notes of All Interactions: Taking thorough notes of conversations, instructions, and agreements can be one of the most effective ways to protect yourself against gaslighting. For instance, if a manager later denies assigning a particular task or giving specific guidance, your notes provide a reliable record of what was actually discussed. These notes act as a form of protection, helping to clarify situations if misunderstandings or conflicts arise.

Saving Emails and Written Correspondence: Emails are invaluable as they provide a timestamped record of communications, capturing both the details and the tone of discussions. By saving relevant emails and messages, you create a reliable reference that can support you if there are any disputes or inconsistencies in the future.

For verbal agreements, it is often helpful to request written confirmation, which helps to build a clear record of what was agreed upon and when. This documentation is particularly useful if others later attempt to dispute the facts or alter the narrative.

Encouraging Use of Meeting Minutes and Recaps: If you work as part of a team, suggesting that regular meeting minutes or summaries be recorded can benefit everyone involved. This practice establishes a shared reference point, ensuring accountability and reducing any chance for someone to claim that certain discussions never occurred.

Meeting minutes also provide a helpful outline of responsibilities and next steps, reinforcing clarity and transparency for all team members. Such records serve as a safeguard against any attempts to manipulate or distort information, fostering a fair and open environment.

Establish Clear and Firm Boundaries: Setting clear and firm boundaries is a vital step toward building respectful and healthy interactions in the workplace. Clearly expressing what behaviours are acceptable empowers you to assert self-respect and creates a foundation for professional relationships rooted in mutual understanding. This proactive approach helps protect your mental well-being and signals to others that you value clarity and respect in every exchange.

Reinforce Your Self-Worth With Positive Affirmations: When confronted with gaslighting, it is common to experience self-doubt, leading to questions about your abilities and judgment. To counteract this, regularly remind yourself of your strengths, accomplishments, and core values. Simple affirmations like, “I am skilled and bring valuable insights to my team,” can act as a stabilising force, helping you maintain confidence and resilience in the face of manipulation.

Additionally, visualise your achievements and focus on building upon them, ensuring your sense of reality remains firm. Refuse to let the gaslighter’s tactics cloud your perception or diminish your accomplishments.

Seeking Support in the Workplace

To address gaslighting in the workplace, it’s important to take a proactive approach. Together, these steps help create a supportive environment and protect your well-being.

Engaging with Human Resources or Trusted Colleagues: When you suspect someone is distorting the truth or trying to undermine your confidence, reaching out to HR or trusted colleagues can be a crucial step in addressing gaslighting. Sharing any documented interactions, such as emails or meeting notes, can help HR understand your perspective and respond professionally and discreetly. Having this support can reassure you that you’re not alone in tackling these behaviours and reinforce a sense of safety within your workplace.

Connecting with Mentors or Workplace Allies: Mentors and supportive colleagues can be invaluable when facing challenging behaviours like gaslighting. A mentor, whether from within or outside your organisation, offers perspective and guidance, helping you see the situation with clarity. They may share insights based on their own experiences, providing you with practical approaches. Trusted colleagues who validate your experiences can act as powerful allies, offering both emotional support and helpful advice. Together, mentors and allies help strengthen your sense of self-worth and resilience.

Accessing Mental Health and Well-being Resources: If gaslighting has begun to impact your mental well-being, consulting a workplace coach or mental health professional can be highly beneficial. Speaking with a professional offers a safe space to process your experiences and develop coping strategies. These professionals can help manage stress, rebuild your confidence, and navigate workplace dynamics with a clearer mindset. Accessing mental health resources can be essential for preserving your well-being, giving you the resilience to stay composed in challenging situations.

Seeking support from HR, mentors, colleagues, and mental health professionals is a proactive approach to safeguarding your well-being. Together, these resources contribute to a balanced and supportive work environment, helping you maintain confidence and composure as you navigate workplace dynamics.

Addressing Gaslighting on a Broader Scale

To tackle gaslighting effectively on a larger scale, it is important to recognise its complex nature and the various ways it can be addressed. By understanding the nuances of this behaviour, individuals and organisations alike can implement strategies to promote a healthier, more supportive work culture. Below are key actionable steps that can help foster an environment grounded in respect, transparency, and trust.

Creating an Open and Honest Workplace Culture

Creating a culture of transparency and open dialogue is essential to reducing gaslighting in the workplace. When leaders and managers commit to honest, straightforward communication, they build an environment where manipulative behaviours are much less likely to take hold. A work culture rooted in trust and openness empowers employees to express concerns and share experiences freely, without fear of retaliation or dismissal.

Organisations that prioritise employee well-being by conducting regular check-ins and satisfaction surveys establish critical channels for feedback. These practices allow for early identification and resolution of issues, helping to prevent gaslighting from gaining ground.

When employees feel safe to speak up and know that their perspectives are valued, companies foster a workplace of mutual respect and support. This commitment to transparency and open dialogue elevates team morale, creating a healthier, more resilient work environment where everyone is empowered to thrive.

Training and Education for Recognising Gaslighting

Providing training on gaslighting awareness and fostering psychological safety equips employees with the skills to recognise and prevent manipulative behaviours in the workplace. Such training is invaluable for managers, who play a key role in creating a positive work environment. With the right guidance, managers can cultivate a culture where open, respectful communication thrives.

This training raises awareness of the often subtle signs of gaslighting, helping both employees and leaders identify behaviours that may otherwise go unaddressed. Informed employees feel more empowered to speak up, and assured that they work in an environment that values their well-being. For managers, this insight can be transformative, enabling them to support trust, encourage respectful dialogue, and actively discourage manipulation or intimidation.

Prioritising training in these areas helps organisations build a strong foundation for a healthy, transparent culture. Employees feel genuinely supported, while managers are well-equipped to maintain a respectful workplace where all individuals are protected and valued. This commitment not only enhances individual well-being but also strengthens the unity and resilience of the entire team.

In Summary

Understanding and addressing gaslighting is crucial for creating a respectful, healthy workplace. When organisations promote transparency, accountability, and open communication, they help prevent manipulative behaviours from taking root. Encouraging individuals to document their interactions, set clear boundaries, and trust their own perceptions fosters a foundation of respect and trust throughout the team.

Gaslighting can have a deep impact, affecting both mental well-being and job performance. However, by identifying its signs early and using practical strategies to counter them, you can protect yourself while contributing to a positive, supportive work environment. To learn more, explore our article, Are You Being Quiet Fired?

Resources

Gaslighting At Work: Targeted, Attacked, and Falsely Accused of Yelling and Mental Illness.
Gaslighting: How to recognise manipulative and emotionally abusive people – and break free.
The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life.